::you're my saving grace ::

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

music: Avril Lavigne - I Will Be
book: Paulo Coelho - The Alchemist

From now on, Im going to write whats my favourite music at the moment as well as the book Im reading.

A few weeks ago, I had this particular dream. Cant really remember what really happened though. Me, in the dream was really happy. It was the same kind of happiness I felt when I was at Tantric.
It was me getting myself someone whom I knew, a primary school mate. The weird part was that we have not contact each other since we graduated and Ive seen her only once in NP. I need an interpretation of this dream, seriously.

Recently, a few of my friends talked as if they knew me really well which angers me a lot. The truth is they are not my close friends to begin with, let alone understands me. That really bug me a lot.
The reason for me not being able to be truthful or just being me to people whom I dont really know is because I find its really tough to give someone your trust for it takes years to trust someone but it takes only a few seconds to break it, it get even harder for you to trust that someone again.
I am saying this is because Ive came to a realization that I always tend to be very quiet or shy when with friends whom I barely knew or just getting to know. Talking and trusting them at the same time is something which I find its hard to accomplish.
Forgiving someone is something you had to do before you are able to move on. Like what we say, is easier said than done.
I said all the above as there is something that happened to me quite a few years back, this had been, is and will forever be kept inside me. This incident changed my perspective the word trust and love.
Maybe thats the reason why I feel lonely sometimes. All I am doing is just to protect myself from getting hurt inside again.
But...
Is this such an excuse?
Am I being ignorant?

I dont know

Recently, a teacher from my secondary school had passed away from colon cancer. He was my physics teacher and was a really nice teacher who never flare his temper. He was always smiling and laughing. The ones who left the world early tends to be the kind-hearted and happy ones while those who are evil or good-for-nothing tends to live longer?
God, this is just so unfair.
He left a very deep impression in me as there was this time, I did something really bad and my friend was being mistaken by an invigilator. That invigilator brought my friend to my teacher, and instead of sending my friend to the principal office, he let my friend go. Isnt he nice? I cried when I heard what he had done. Sigh
May you rest in peace, Mr. Ho.
You are loved and will be rememebered by everyone of us.

mich @ 11:55 PM