::you're my saving grace ::

Sunday, August 10, 2008

8th of August 08.
Many incidents occurred that day leading me to have mixed feelings at the end of the day.
I wasnt getting well with my colleagues for the past few days, was afraid that my friday outing with them would turn out really bad. It turned out to be fine and really glad about everything. Wonder if tomorrow going to be the same or a bad day for me. I am just really upset. Feeling very depressed now.
Upon reaching home, ya text me that ya gotten a new phone. My favourite phone. HTC Touch Diamond. Guess I will never get the chance to see it anymore. We had disagreement about marriage once again. Ya kept saying that I was selfish about the whole marriage issues, told ya off, asking ya to find someone else to marry. Ya replied, "good night&bye bye". I didnt give much thought about it. We havent talk ever since. We have been in this situations numerous of times, but I know you will always come back to me or rather I will text you just to tell you Im sorry. Although today is the second day we haven been talking, something inside just tell me that I have lost you forever. I wont be seeing you ever again.
Its funny that I never even cry which I have done many times before
I didnt feel happy nor sad about the whole incident.
The feeling inside me is just so indescribable
I missed everything. Inside m just felt so hurt
Guess Ive got used to your attitude which I so much hate it initially
We were so happy for the past month, not a single disagreement or unhappiness between us.
No tears were being shed during that period.
I was feeling elated and felt that everything between us has finally fallen into place.
All of a sudden, just a snap, everything we built during these times, were lost in a second.
Someone once told me and she was right. Man will only love woman who is willing to marry and have kids with him.
Guess I am just a nobody. No use thinking about it, most prob you found someone already and is in bed with her, enjoying yourself.
I used to tell myself that if things between ya and me didnt work out, I wont be serious nor putting many thoughts into entering a relationship anymore.
At least I practice what I preach.
Someone asked. I agreed without giving any thoughts
Mind you, its on the same day when ya and I last talked.
Frankly speaking, I dont feel happy about the whole realtionship thing.
All I felt was confused.
I just hate myself so much
I felt so lost
Felt useless and worthless
Guess I just have to stay positive and hope that everything turns out well with someone.
I just want to have time alone for these days, not working nor schooling.
Just staring into the sky.
What should I do?
I just lost everything I worked so hard for.
I lost the friendship I had with my colleagues
I lost everything about ya
All was left were just fucking memories

mich @ 9:05 PM