::you're my saving grace ::

Thursday, January 01, 2009

it's 1st Jan 0315am. feeling the cold breeze against my cheeks, 2009 began few hours ago...i'm one very very lucky person. never once would i have thought this could happen to me.
a starting of an entirely new life, growing to be someone whom I want myself to be, deciding to achieve my goals, no matter what.
in retrospect, i saw my life in a flash. I learn, grow, and instead become increasingly aware of my faults and weaknesses. That knowledge drags me down further. The more I know, the more upset ive become. The more I learn about the reality of life, the more i lose.
In the past, I'd fret about the present. But now I am so terrified about the future. How I am thrust with insanely heavy decisions and where there is no such thing as right or wrong. and no matter what the consequences are, I have to face it myself. I want to make myself take the opportunity to lead the life I wanted.
I am lucky to love and be loved. She entered my life and given me much attention in every possible way which I cant imagine. ive given my all, deciding not to stick to the rules, for I do not want to feel any regrets. She gave me the reason to see the responsibility and commitment in life, she gave me the reason to want to continue achieving my goals. But most importantly, she gave me something to hope for and look forward to. and for that, i felt happy and blessed. I am always trying to change for the better, to make everything seems right. and i think, ive learn and grow a lot during this period. I have never cry and be so crazy for someone before.i love her and she might as well be the one. But deep inside, i know it can never be. The day will eventually come.

I was alone sitting,
thinking to myself if everything is worth it
for now and future
I wasnt sure at that moment
but when I looked into her eyes later,
I know the answer right away.

mich @ 3:17 AM