::you're my saving grace ::

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I look into the mirror, I see a miserable & pathetic failure.

It's funny how time can change the things you see in the mirror. The same face, the same person, the same mirror but everything is so different.

I am in my early 20s and I am still looking for things I am passionate about. I am like wasting my life away and time focusing on the most stupidest things in life. And it seems i’m still empty, and still searching. Wonder why I have any underlying sadness or loneliness in me, although I may seem to have everything in my life (not in monetary value)?

I have goals for my future and career. I want to make it happen. Should I just continue with something which I do not have any passion about? I know my goals will be achieved if I stay on this path. Or should I rather work on looking for my passion and get started from there? However, this may not lead to a guarantee of achieving my goals.

I am so terrified about the future. How and where all those heavy decisions leads you to and where there is no such thing as right or wrong. No matter what the consequences are, I have to face it myself. Sometimes, I am just torn between being strong and being weak. What's the point of being strong where at the end of the day, you wonder where does it get you? Or being weak enough to let someone else in?

Would you prefer to have something which has no guarantee but it brings you happiness and joy or rather stick to something which you are sure of the outcome but you will end up being lonely?

How do you feel when over the years everything you worked for, got destroyed in that split second?

Let me made my own mistakes, learnt from them. So what if its a hard way? It beats the hell out of not trying to do anything because of the consequences you might face.

Well, its my birthday tomorrow, will be spending whole day with b. Cant wait to spend another with her.Haps.

Glad that I was able to spend all my days off with love for the past 2 weeks. Being around her can never be bored and we can pratically nua-ing at home doing NOTHING from morning till late afternoon. I love to see her signature smile and that laughter of hers really makes you go gaga over it. I love her so much. I am touched with what she had done for me. I felt really blessed as she really really dotes me a lot. :)))

Thinking about it, we've been through so much together. The things we did together, the tears we shed and the laughter we shared. There are so much memories of us that are very precious and simply priceless.

i feel soooooo good now. hee.
i have the most wonderful gf ever.
happy 9 months.

I screwed most of my papers. One more to go and I am free! Oh well, I didnt really study HARD for any of the modules, so....Sigh.

mich @ 12:44 AM