::you're my saving grace ::

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Anyway, went singing with love today. She is such a charmer. Times like these, I adore crazy. Most of the time, she says the right words and actions to make my insides fuzzy warm. I'm delighted that love and I have been meeting up much more often compared to the past. I appreciate every little thing she does for me..I love it when she says that she misses me, that she wants to see me. I love it when she holds me in her arms. I love it when she calls me her beloved baby. I love it when she craps with me. I love it when she flashes that smile at me. I love it when I feel her presence beside me. I love it when there's only me and her. I love the feeling of us, talking about us. I love her to bits! Thanks baby.
You are the hottest. Love you always.

Trust me, I've never felt so taken care of by her. Felt like a baby being taken care of by my love. That sense of security given by her was tremendous. I've never felt happier, truely.

I love my girlfriend. Thanks for sticking with me despite of all our differences. You are da best la.
Things I love about her-
- How she's changed in the way she treats me.
- She gets angry when I don't tell her stuff :D
- She makes me laugh with her super funny jokes and actions (: (:
- She's willing to listen to my troubles
- She asks me how my day is, if we haven spoken to each other since morning :))
- She lets me in on personal feelings
- She tells me about her day and talks to me
- She pulls me close to hug me
- The way she demands for my attention
- The way she cares for me
- How we both lying together in each other's arms
- The affectionate names she calls me
- She pours her troubles out to me
- How we can get along
- She can read my mind
- She understands how I feel
- The way she kisses me
- How our fingers twined around each other when we are togethe
- She treats me like her own
- The affectionate way she talks to me
- The things she says to cheer me up at times
- She takes me into consideration
- She always makes it a point to find out what's bothering me even if it
means asking me a hundred times over and over again
- Usually she still talks to me nicely even though she gets so pissed at me at times
- How I never manage to keep a cross face when I look at her even though I'm pissed
- She says she's fortunate to have me
- Felt priceless being the First Lady whom she cooked for

Hmmm.. that's all for now i guess. I think it's amazing how someone can brighten you up and make you feel so good after a simple conversation of simple yet kind words.
Thanks a million cos you don't know how much it means to me. Your kind words somehow bring back my smile, my self-esteem and this pleasing assurance.

Each time I look at her up close.. I tell myself, 'Damn she's pretty.' But then, looks aren't everything. You can't say you like someone just cos you think she's cute. The heart speaks the truth. To me, she is perfection.

Over the weekend, something happened. I began thinking what have I done? I didn't realise how much we needed and depended on each other until our talk today. Oblivious I was to how bad it was/is for you, just as it still is for me. I'm scared. I'm scared of not being able to see you, not being about to meet up and talk, worrying I'll be intruding if I do, thinking that maybe you just don't care anymore, the misunderstandings, feeling heartbroken about us, everything. I've missed you so badly. You just don't know. I'm sad. Sad and afraid this time will change everything and somehow I know it will. If things never return to the way they were before, I'll get depressed. And I think I already am. I feel like trash. Dejection sets in. Sigh. Just when you think you're there, reality slaps you right across the face and you realise, you're no where near.

You said something to me earlier on today. Something which made my heart sank even though I could sense it over the past few days. Guess I was not as prepared as I thought to be. Prior to that, there were so much awkardness between us over the weekend. I was pretty upset and scared at the same time. Seriously, I felt so sad and disappointed that I just let tears running down. And I couldnt be happier that we still have each other after everything.
Something which I felt thankful for. I love you, babe.

Come to think of it, we get along just fine without the attitude and the arguements. I guess my relationship isn't that shitty after all. I love the days because it was just us and her full attention was entirely on me. It isn't something I get to have often and I truly treasure every minute. So thank you, love.

Been feeling emotionally lately. Never ending thoughts raced though my mind. Sometimes life's just plain heart breaking.
I guess some things will always be the same cos disappointment always gets in the way.
So you wake up everyday and wear a plastic smile on your lips, struggling with your insecurities and to appreciate and be happy with what you have. Even when you genuinely feel the joy for people's much better lives, you can't help but feel a lil sorry for yourself. Life's contradicting. It never seems fair but yet it always is.

I know we shouldn't compare ourselves with others because our lives are very much equal in their own ways but I can't help but look at people and feel sorry for myself at times. I'm swallowing in self-pity. I mean wtf, how pathetic can that be. Why the fuck do I feel sorry for myself when I do have my happy days. it doesnt make sense either.

As the years go by, people aren't that interested to actually listen to your entire story. Maybe they'll appear to be interested at the start but somewhere in between they just get bored and fakely pretend to listen or they'll start talking about something else. Like wtf? Please, Don't offer to take up the role if you ain't interested.Then again, it's quite understandable because everyone has their own problems to take care of and that they're just as troubled as everyone else. I've become sick of pouring my heart out to someone only to regret. Should someone willingly confides in you, you'd be doing them a huge favour by playing the role of the sensitive caring friend. Or maybe the problem lies with me. I'm just boring. Haha.

I am constantly degraded. Are my thoughts being spared?

I'm tired, dejected, demoralised.

This isn't what I want. I'm so sick of being a part of someone else's life. Where the fuck does MY life stand then.

I realised that I was alone and for the first time, sadness surfaced and tears swelled up. It's not like you'll hang out with just anyone, I mean you'd wana hang out with someone you want to hang out with.

mich @ 2:12 AM