::you're my saving grace ::

Monday, March 29, 2010

Saw someone who looks like a lot like her during lunch. was engulfed by sadness. sadness that makes you tear every night and during work, or the little things surrounds you leading the thoughts back to her, no matter how insignificant it might be. I'm scared. the fact of not being able to see you, not being about to meet up and talk, worrying I'll be intruding if I do, thinking that maybe you just don't care anymore, the misunderstandings, feeling heartbroken about us, everything. I've missed you so badly. You just don't know. I'm sad. Sad and afraid this time will change everything and somehow I know it will. If things never return to the way they were before, I'll get depressed. And I think I already am. I feel like trash. Dejection sets in. it brought me to a couple of months back, where i felt exactly the same. the awkwardness.the silence. something so strong and wrong which I could sense it, to think that it was bad enough at that point of time, it felt a hell lot worse now. Perhaps it's the period where we're heading downhill. But, I am unsure. It happens sometimes. Will it be like every other time? Or will it be any different this time? Does telling myself that I might be thinking too much, comforts me?
What is it about life that scares the hell out of you?
Up until this point, my whole life has been filled with her. What if, when given an alternative, it did not remain this way?

I know there will never be another.

mich @ 4:31 PM